Big Vs Bigger

The Watchmen used a story starter by Bret McKenzie and collaborated on their own version of Big Vs Bigger.

Sean was the biggest kid on the street. I’m talking huge, as big as a bus. He actually lifted a bus once with his bare hands. Sean ruled the neighbourhood. He was kind of a big deal. That was until big Steve, an even bigger kid, moved in next door.

Big Steve was so huge he couldn’t even fit in a regular sized room. His bedroom was an aircraft hangar, and even then his toes would poke out the end. Big Steve’s face was enormous, his eyes were the size of dinner plates and when he had to blow his nose he had to use a king sized bed sheet.

Sean and Big Steve would terrorize the little kids at school. The big boys would pick the little kids up, turn them upside down and hang them from the netball posts until they gave them their lunches. That wasn’t the worst of it though. Big Steve would find the smallest, skinniest kid pick him up and use him like a cotton tip to clean out his ears. The little kid would often be seen walking around stunned with a pointy hat made out of ear wax.

Sick of being terrorized the little kids organised to meet in the basement of the school. The basement was a creepy, scary location but was the one place Sean and Big Steve couldn’t fit. The basement was stuffed with immense spider webs, rusty water tanks, piles of old test papers, dust heaps and rotten old desks. It was here in this dark, dank place that the little kids came up with their plan.

The next day at school Sean and Big Steve approached the little kids as usual. “Give us your lunches, or else!” boomed Big Steve. At this the little kids came together to execute their plan. The kids started climbing up on each others shoulders. One by one they stacked themselves on top of each other to form a tremendously tall tower of kids. The tower of kids now loomed over Sean and Big Steve. The top kids were lowered down until they were waist height to Sean and Big Steve. Many little hands then grabbed onto the waistband of the big boy’s undies and with an almighty pull the little kids hoisted Big Steve and Sean’s underpants up their backs and over their heads.

Some of the little kids who were still on the ground now grabbed the big kids shoelaces, that were the size of tug of war ropes, and tied them together. Sean and Big Steve with their eyes covered by their super stretched undies and their feet tied together screamed out “HELP” as they toppled over and crashed into the school. The buildings were demolished under the sheer weight of the two giants. The hall was demolished, the classrooms were demolished, the office was demolished, the library was demolished and even the toilets were demolished. The principal ran outside to see the chaos and destruction for himself. His face went red with rage as he yelled “SEAN AND BIG STEVE YOU ARE EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL FOREVER!!!” The little kids let out a huge roar ‘YAY!!!!”.

The little kids were overjoyed for not only did they work together to defeat Sean and Big Steve but they had three months off while the school was rebuilt.